Fictionalized Cruelty

I went out to the grocery store alone.

(This should be considered a miracle of sorts. Please express shock and dismay over this statement. Not too much, or I'll know you're faking it. Thank you.)

I met a man. He was gorgeous. His hair was perfect. His body was perfect. If he would have smiled in the baking aisle, his smile surely would have melted the birthday candles located on the top rack. His mannerisms screamed, "I'm so sexy and I know I'm killing everyone that looks at me." He was that hot.

He smiled at me. I smiled back. My heart skipped a beat or two. No more than that, though, or I would not be here writing this blog. I would be dead.

I turned my head and started squeezing melons. Hey, I thought if I squeezed my breasts, he would realize that I was interested in getting boned by him!

He smiled again at me.

I'm thinking, "Oh shit, this is going to be easiest piece of ass I've ever gotten."

I smiled back.

He cocked his head to the side slightly and stared at me. He had a mischievous grin on his face. I swear I dropped a gallon of wetness into my underwear when he did that.

I'm a sucker for grins, especially ones given sideways.

He winked at me. I smiled shyly. I know shyness gets a guy every time.

I fingered the front of my blouse, pulling it open just a bit to show him the stuff. My stuff. My girls.

He walked up to me and stood before me. I think this is when I swallowed my tongue. I'm not sure. I sort of blanked out for a few moments.

I still haven't found my tongue.

His fingers reached out and grabbed the front of my shirt. He dragged his fingers down the button placket.

I was screaming in my head, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE JUST RIP OFF MY SHIRT AND DO ME HERE!!"

I held onto some level of coolness, though.

I swallowed really hard and said, "Hey"

Oh I know! I'm a fucking genius with words! It was brilliant and I knew that I would get him. I just knew it!

He said, "Hey."

My panties were so soaked that I swear it felt like I pissed myself. Shit, maybe I did piss myself. I don't know anymore.

At this point anything was possible, and I wouldn't remember. He was THAT hot!

"I hope you don't mind, but can I ask you something?" he said. Holy shit, his voice was so sexy!

"Ask me anything, " I managed to squeak out. I spread my legs and let the cold air of the freezer department attempt to dry my underwear, because I swear it started to leak down my legs.

"Do you want to... "

I squeaked really loud. I squeaked so loud that I didn't hear what else he said. OMG I didn't hear what he said!

Did I want to what? Ride him? Yes! Blow him in the parking lot? Fuck yeah! Kiss his feet? Yessss!!! Sniff his ass?? Yes because someone THAT hot can't have a smelly butt!

I didn't know what to do. I was afraid to ask him what he said, because I didn't want to look like a retard on crack. But what other choice did I have?

"Huh?" Oh great! Huh is a great word to use. Made myself sound like an idiot. I swear I did!

"I said, do you want to sell me your bra? It's absolutely divine and it would match my dress and heels so beautifully!"

"Whu... ?"


Life can be so damn cruel sometimes.

*sigh..*