Misunderstanding of All Things

I signed up for a video discussion group with my Pastor. He is offering this in place of a bible study group. He teased us with a showing of a video during services two weeks ago, and then reeled us in with the offering of this group. I jumped at it.

I attended my first meeting last night. There were, including my husband, 12 other people. The number isn't too bad considering 20 signed up. Some of the people I like immensely, some of the people I could do without and two I didn't know at all. All in all, however, it was a good group.

We watched a short video about extending oneself to others. It was brilliantly, yet simply, done. It captivated me and held me there for all of its 10 minutes. I knew immediately the message the video was sending.

After viewing the video, we were asked to participate in a discussion group. Some of the discussion was film-related, and other parts of the discussion were theological. It was an interesting discussion session.

I left there, however, in the worst of spirits. I was angry. I was angry at one particular person that attended. I feel almost ashamed to have been angry. I, right now, feel pity for this person.

Let me explain a bit with some history....

When I started attending my church, it was a small congregation filled with older people that were set in their ways. There wasn't much ministry work going on there at all. This bothered me.

I set out and formed a few ministries.

One is a Teddy Bear Ministry, which I love doing. I have been making teddy bears for almost three years now. This, sadly, is a ministry that I nurture and care for alone. I do not have help from any of the congregation. I have repeatedly asked, but have not received it. This is my baby.

I line the front of the sanctuary with these teddy bears. If someone is ill or knows of someone that needs comfort due to illness or death, they are free to take one of these bears and give it. It has, amazingly, lightened up some dark worlds over these few years.

The second ministry is called "Bright Beginnings". I am a secretary/member of the UMW (United Methodist Women), and the president of the group was looking for a local ministry to get involved in. I suggested a ministry that was not being done by anyone in our area. I suggested that we start our own.

The idea was well-received, or so I thought. I, once again, am running this ministry alone.

I collect new baby items and put them in a huge gift basket. The items have to be for newborns, and be in brand new condition. I didn't get a lot of donations at all. In fact, I ended up buying most of what I used. But the baskets are just lovely!

I dropped off a batch of baskets at a local teen pregnancy center. Oh were they ever so appreciative of receiving them! I left the center with such a light heart and such a deep level of joy. I walked out of there with more than what I gave to them.

During the past three years of attending my church, I have not been very well received. Some of the older members feel as though I stepped on their toes. They are angry. They simply do not like me.

I've had many discussions with my pastor about this. He isn't a happy camper with members of the congregation. Neither am I.

I still trudge on, though. I have a pancake breakfast planned to help raise money for our local soup kitchen that I volunteer at. I also am putting together a presentation for the Ecumenical Council to see if we can put a weekend food backpack program together for the less fortunate kids in our community. I am praying with all my might that this will come to light.

I enjoy what I do immensely. This is what my life is supposed to be about. Some times you just know when something is right and is meant to be. This is how I feel about doing mission work. It fits me. To a "T".

Because of all of this, my pastor invited me to the church conference. It is here that new church officials are nominated and elected. He asked me beforehand if I would mind if he nominated me for a position. He wanted me to serve on the Board of Trustees.

The night of the conference came and nominations were to be read. He announced my name for Trustee, and what a reaction it got!

One woman (the one I was angry at last night) said, "OH MY GOD!"

I was elected in anyway. Now I'm being treated a bit differently. A woman that I really liked has turned a cold shoulder toward me. It's a shame. I really do like the woman.

The head of the trustees refuses to speak to me anymore. He won't even say "hello" to me.

I should say that I am the first woman trustee on the board... ever.

"OH MY GOD!" seems to feel this need to try to outdo me, which brings me full circle back to last night.

My pastor asked the question, "Do you feel that sometimes you receive more than you give?"

I started to relate my story about delivering the baskets to the pregnancy center. I wasn't looking for a pat on the back. I wanted them all to feel what I felt, because it was simply amazing!

Before I could even finish what I was saying, "OH MY GOD!" pipes in with, "Well, I took a baggie of travel size toothpaste to the older folks home."

She did this all night long. The night was filled with her trying to have people see her in this glorious light. But all she was really truly doing was robbing everyone else of the chance to express themselves.

Her and her husband are an older couple. I believe they are in their 60s. They have always been the "King and Queen" of our church. They act the part. She will come into church and walk up and down the aisles greeting everyone as if she were the Queen of England.

This isn't what church is about! It is about learning and gaining the knowledge necessary to be the hands and feet of Jesus. It isn't about being popular. It isn't about people groveling on their knees just to be acknowledged by two people who feel their shit doesn't stink!

My pastor and I are close. We talk a lot about what is going on with the church and in the church. We both acknowledge that, without doing more mission work and without promoting our church, we are going to go under. We both know that if new members are not recruited and KEPT that the church will eventually die.

New members are always treated like crap by the older members. They just don't understand.

I want this church to be around for a long time. All in all, I enjoy being there. I enjoy being under the guidance of our pastor. I enjoy doing all the mission work that I do. I love doing it under the canopy of our church.

It's so damn frustrating.

I don't understand how someone can sit there and say they believe in the word of God, yet in a split second, act in a totally different manner.

I just don't understand it. Not at all.