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It's bizarre how life can hand you joy and happiness one day and then hand you worry and despair the next. It's a shame that life did not run on an even keel. It wouldn't be life if it did, would it?

I was on the way to my youngest's school yesterday when my 17 year old daughter started to send me text messages from school. She was in class and some girls were talking about a guy in his early 20s that has been "partying" with high school kids. They went on to say that a friend of this guy has been hanging out with them, too. The friend's name was the same as my oldest son. No, no last name was mentioned. It was merely the first name. It sent me in a mild panic.

My son hasn't been the same since his ex-girlfriend broke up with him. He's been up and he's been down. He's been all over the map, and his time spent here has been drastically reduced. I worry about him. Because of the way he's been acting, this "rumor" at the high school sent me down imagination alley.

I sent him a text message asking him if he knew this person. He said he wasn't sure and asked what he looked like. I didn't know, but I told him the rumor that was going around. I tried to pawn it off as no big deal. I just needed peace of mind. He asked me what the rumor was and I told him. He didn't answer back again. I'm not sure what that means.

I worry so damn much about him. It drives me crazy sometimes. Whoever said that children are nothing to worry about when they get older was full of shit. You worry more about them when they enter their 20s it seems.

So, obviously, he's been on my mind quite a bit.

He stopped by last week to clean up a part of the basement for his father. He was supposed to call his father to ask which part of the basement he wanted cleaned up. We need to clean it up so we can hook up the new well to the house.

But he never did call his father. He was texting someone and then asked me if I would watch his dog for awhile. He said he had to go to another town to pick up a few things. When he came back, he came into the house, grabbed his dog and left without saying goodbye to me.

I honestly do not know what is going on in his head anymore. One day he is like his old self, and the next day, he's someone else entirely. He just seems that sometimes his head is in the clouds.

He's having some issues over us selling the house. He emphatically told me that, although his dad and I own this house, this house will always be his grandfather's house. There isn't anything that can change that for him, either.

When he found out that we were prepared to sell it to whoever wishes to buy it, he did not like that at all. We don't have any choice. We need the extra room that a new house can give us.

I told my husband that regardless of how the children feel about this house, I refuse to live the rest of my life uncomfortable, cramped and unhappy because they wish to keep the memories alive. The memories are still there. They will always live in their minds and their hearts. Material things cannot keep memories alive. I just posted that in someone's blog as a comment. Weird.

But its the truth. I refuse to stay in this house all cramped because of who used to own it. I refuse to put my life on hold, and put the lives of the younger children, on hold because of memories. I told my husband that if he wishes to give up his life for a memory, he will have to give his up alone, because I will not do it.

I don't mean to sound so cold. Honest I do not, but we sacrifice enough of our lives for our children without sacrificing the rest of it. I won't do it. I'm 40 years old and my husband is 53. We're not spring chickens.

I understand our son's concern. I understand his attachment to this house. I honestly do, and I don't mean to disrespect him or his feelings, but he doesn't take our feelings into consideration. It irks me.

When my husband and I got married, things were wonderful. My husband had two children (the two oldest ones -- one of them being the oldest son I'm writing about) and I came into the marriage with three children and my sister who happens to have Down's Syndrome (she's considered one of the kids).

It seemed like the children all blended together beautifully. They all got along. They played together, laughed together and we had no issues. We didn't have any issues until recently...

It has come to light that the oldest son is jealous of the younger ones. In fact, he doesn't bother much with them anymore. When he comes over, he monopolizes my time and gets a bit upset when the younger ones demand my attention.

He had a rough upbringing. His real mother is an alcoholic/drug addict. She was always creating drama in their lives, so all the attention would center around her. She left them when he was 17, and she left them living with her boyfriend, who happens to be my husband's brother. Long story there..

But the point I am trying to make is that life was always about her. It was never about the children. They moved from one place to another. The children were never able to establish real strong roots to any one place, except for one. When my husband and his ex-wife decided to split up and divorce, he gave her the house. She blew it. She lost the house.

Our son was devastated over that loss. He still is to some respect. He even told me that when his mother lost the house, he was angry as hell. He went as far as thinking about vandalizing the house after the new owners moved in.

I don't want to give the impression that he is a horrible person, because he really isn't. He reminds me a lot of his father in that he has a soft heart and gets hurt easily.

But I don't know how to fix him.

He says he's an adult. He says he's a man now. He wants to stop being treated like a child, yet he's jealous of his little brothers. He wants that attention. He wants to be a kid, but wants to be an adult too. It doesn't work that way.

So how do I fix a 21 year old man that wants to be treated as an adult, yet coddled like a child? How do I make him understand that selling this house does not mean the end of grandpa? How do I make him see that we love him just as much as the other children?

I just don't know anymore.